Friday, January 26, 2007

Bush the 'Decision-Maker'

Constitutional scholar President Bush reiterated to Congress he's the "decision maker" today as they consider his request for more troops in Iraq. He also stated that lawmakers who disagree with the plan, "have an obligation and a serious responsibility therefore to put up their own plan as to what would work." As a concerned citizen I have trouble deciphering any plan, putting 21,500 more troops in Iraq is not a plan. What are they going to do? According to the Parrot's chat with Cheney they are going to build an oil moat around Baghdad. I really hope that isn't the case, but it's the only explanation I've heard.

Per the President's request, since we disagree with his "plan" we had the Parrot meet with him to discuss an alternative course of action.

P: Mr. President we have a four prong plan that will accomplish our goals in Iraq.
B: Four prong, like a fork. I'll call it the fork plan. I like to eat with a fork. After I eat I like a nice scotch. Hey, Parrot you want a scotch.
P: Sure I do love scotch, but I thought you weren't drinking anymore.
B: Well, as you may or may not know I'm the decision maker so now when I talk Iraq I decided to drink. We wouldn't be here today had I not made that decision. You gotta problem with that?
P: No, Mr. President (taking a sip of his scotch). Our four prongs are as follows:
1) Work with Syria and Iran. Incorporate some of their ideas because it's their neighborhood and they're familiar with the regional issues.
2) We need to employ as many Iraqis as possible. People generally like to make a living and if you're working you're not figuring out where to place the next IED.
3) Rebuild the infrastructure. With the amount of money we've poured into that country they should have the best hospitals, utilities, public transportation etc.
4) figure out how to bring Al Sadr into the mix. He's a major headache right now and would be easier to bring into the fold than try and fight. Not that we couldn't whip his ass, but messing with religious fanatics rarely goes well.
B: You forgot one.
P: What's that Mr. President.
B: Chickenbutt
P: Sir, that isn't how the joke goes. You're supposed to say "guess what" then I say "what" then you say "chickenbutt".
B: I decided it doesn't go like that anymore. The new way is I say "you forgot one" then you say "what's that" and I say "chickenbutt". You see, it's important to keep the enemy guessing. In fact where's Tony? Hey get in here Snow. Make sure you add that to our plan. Announce it at our next press conference.
P: Mr. President that's already your third scotch.
B: I know, did you hear the great idea I just had?
P: Sir, I would like to get your thoughts on the plan we proposed.
B: I just told Tony to unveil it at our next press conference. Parrot, I hate to cut this short, but I feel it was a very productive meeting, we need more dissenters like you. Thanks for the input. Oh look at the time, it's time for Cheney's oil bath he likes me to heat it up to 82.5 degrees for him. He's very particular you know.

At that the Parrot was escorted out by the secret service, but not before refilling his scotch.

Further research:
Bush: 'I'm the decision-maker' in Iraq troops

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